I Thought I Was Falling Apart. I Was Just Severely Sleep Deprived.

There was a point in my life when I genuinely believed something was wrong with me.

I was anxious all the time. My thoughts raced. I could not focus. I felt emotionally raw, reactive, and exhausted, yet somehow wired at the same time.

I assumed I was failing at stress management. Or mental health. Or adulthood.

What I did not realize yet was that I was profoundly sleep deprived.

When “Fun College Life” Quietly Breaks You Down

In college, I lived in a sorority house.

If you know, you know.

Living with all of your sisters is fun, loud, connective, and chaotic. Privacy is basically nonexistent. Sleep is optional at best. Doors slam. Laughter echoes down hallways. Someone is always coming or going.

At the time, I worked at a preschool and had to be at work by 7am every morning. One of my roommates worked late and usually came home around 2am.

Every night, I would lie in bed knowing I was about to be woken up.

That anticipation alone was enough to hijack my nervous system. I wanted so badly to fall asleep, but my body stayed on high alert. Each time I checked the clock, another hour had passed. Still awake. Still tense. Still listening.

Night after night, my system flooded with cortisol.

Sleep stopped being something I did and started being something I feared not getting.

The Slow Unraveling

After a couple of months of this, I was completely depleted.

My immune system collapsed. Between early mornings and days spent in a preschool, where germs are basically a second language, I caught everything. Every cold that moved through that house found me. I was sick constantly. Congested. Run down. Dragging myself through the day.

But the worst part was what happened mentally and emotionally.

I developed intense anxiety and depression. I could not concentrate. My grades suffered. I felt disconnected from myself and from everyone around me. I remember thinking, very clearly, that my life was falling apart.

I was exhausted and terrified and had no idea why.

Eventually, I had to move home for a month just to recover.

And here is the part that still shocks me.

Within a few nights of uninterrupted, truly restorative sleep, I could feel everything shifting.

My mood stabilized. My thoughts slowed. My body softened. Problems that had felt enormous suddenly felt manageable. The world stopped feeling so threatening.

Nothing else had changed.

Except sleep.

What I Learned the Hard Way

Sleep is not a luxury. It is regulation.

It is when the nervous system resets. When hormones recalibrate. When emotions are processed. When the immune system repairs.

Without it, the body does not feel safe.

And when the body does not feel safe, anxiety often shows up.

This is why sleep deprivation can look exactly like anxiety.

Racing thoughts. Emotional reactivity. Difficulty focusing. A constant sense of unease. From the inside, it feels indistinguishable.

Treating anxiety without addressing sleep is like trying to calm a fire while continuing to add fuel.

The Shift That Changed Everything

After that experience, sleep became non negotiable for me. But it truly transformed when I discovered meditation.

For years, I struggled with falling asleep, night terrors, and restless nights. Meditation gently taught my nervous system how to let go.

Now, I drift off effortlessly most nights. I rarely wake up during the night. And often, I wake in the morning genuinely wondering where in the world I went.

That sense of being deeply gone is not an accident. It is the nervous system doing what it was designed to do when it finally feels safe enough to rest.

A Different Question to Ask

If you have been feeling anxious, wired, depleted, or emotionally overwhelmed, I invite you to consider this gently:

What if you are not broken?

What if you are exhausted?

This question has quietly shaped everything I do today and something new I am preparing to share very soon. A space devoted entirely to rest, nervous system regulation, and sleep that actually restores.

More on that soon.

For now, let this land.

Sometimes the most powerful healing does not come from trying harder.

It comes from allowing the nervous system to finally exhale.